"honey molasses..."

Yesterday was extremely lazy and unproductive. I took my calc test (which i ended up scoring an 80 on! yes!!!) then I came back to my room and laid in bed...all.damn.day. Vicki came to visit for a lil bit and shared with me the beligerant outburst she had with Glossy lol That boy is the most glossiest ma'fucka known to man. Then I laid up in my bed some more and Solie (who I am now convinced is probably the freaking love of my existence) came to visit and we had much needed "us" time. I dont know what it is, but me and So are so much the same. Like, in every essential way we have the same exact mindset. Its kinda crazy. I missed my Solie. When i was finally done being a lazy ass we got up and got sumthin to eat and then we walked...and we talked...and everything felt so much better afterwards.

I know what I need to do, but am I going to do it yet? Probably not. I guess it really is going to take something of overwhelming proportions for me to finally have a reason. It is stupid and I cant believe this is me. I guess I will learn someday. What is it really going to take?

I ran into someone from the close past today in the lobby of the towers and for some reason when he hugged me I just wanted to confide in him everything that Im feeling right now and I wanted him to hug me and never let go. I wanted to cry and cry and cry and I wanted him to listen to me and let me know that everything is going to be ok. I wanted to go back to the beginning of summer when things were ok and when I wasnt so invested. I wanted to listen to Jill Scott and fall asleep on a tiny ass futon and not have my mind so consumed. I play the role of independent woman well, but i think it is starting to catch up with me. I am more needy than i'd like to admit, and it sucks having to realize this. I need other people to reassure me of what i'm unsure of...which, right now, is everything.