"Look into my eyes and tell me what it is you see"

So...I was completely wrong about this summer. This is NOT the summer where I welcome back a seasonal romance, this is NOT the summer where I revisit stale lovers, this is NOT the summer where I fall madly back into a repetitive cycle of comforting destruction. Instead, this is the summer where I discover love. True love, undying love, unconditional love. And the funny thing about this love is that I'm not finding it in someone else, but instead this is the summer where I will fall deeply, madly, and passionately in love with MYSELF.

After evaluating the past four years of my life I have come to the conclusion that I have been lost and I have been living in a dark place. I have been looking for someone, something, anything to pull me up out of my hole consumed with darkness. But it was funny, and confusing because everytime I thought I had found someone to trust and to deliver me from my abyss I would only feel myself sinking deeper into this hole of mine. A whole that, without realizing it, I had dug myself into. Finally, I dont know what happened in my heart, my head, my body, I dont know what omnipotent force shocked me into a very real place, but I woke up one morning and things just clicked. I realized that this self-inflicted state of pre-burial was something that only i could save myself from. How poetic. It was my responsibility and my duty and i owed it to myself to ignore all of the false promises of salvation from these two-faced connousieurs of trickery and deceit and save myself! (Talk about an epiphany) But I shouldnt go so far as to blame those false saviours. In fact it was me who appointed them to this venerated position. I should instead thank them for everything they have done and not done. Because without them I wouldnt have realized that I have never truly been loved. And i have never truly loved. Cared about another, yes, been in deep like, or lust, or whatever else is close to love but not forreal love...yeah, all of that. But i dont think I possess a true understanding of what it is.

So as i find myself climbing slowly out of my self-appointed abyss and finding myself coming closer to daylight, I am proud that I have been able to start anew and proud that i am presently in a place where I can begin fostering the best relationship I've ever been in. The one with myself.