"i'm not a poet, but I write some songs..." -drez

After reading that my first thought is to be absolutely livid. And on second thought, my first thought is completely out of line, completely ridiculous, and I am in no position to be angry at all which, frankly, sucks. So, as I sit here contemplating something that, in retrospect, is not really a big deal and in five years I will just be able to classify as another one of my 'dramatic episodes', but for now it seems like the biggest and most critical life decision ever, i really dont know what to do. It has never been this complicated, this difficult, and I have never been so without control.

So what next? What do you do when you are faced with this? A situation where you really are just a player in someone else's game. Its like they've got the home advantage and you become and instant mess. In a typical situation such like this I'd fight back, but this is not a typical situation for me and I am kind of sick and a little bit tired. I guess I cant give up without one last battle cry, but I really am just kinda tired of EVERYTHING.

I know what time it is and so do you.

I have something that I really want to say, but Im not going to because I'm too fucking proud and too ridiculous.

"Im not into pointing fingers" -miss janet

Sad.

I had a crazy dream last night. In this dream I died and was brought back to life with a new heart. The new heart was weaker than my old heart but I was doing all these crazy exercises to make it strong again. Every step I took hurt and it was really hard for me to breathe, but I could tell it was getting better. It was insane! I woke up in a frenzy thinking I just had a heart transplant only to realize that it was just a dream. I really thought a lot about it today and came to a conclusion that this silly little dream really has a huge symbolic meaning. I feel like an old me that was really hard and resilient to letting people in and who was really self-centered and in control has died and is making way for a new me that is open to vulnerability. You cant be hard all the time, sometimes you need to open yourself up to people, thats the only way relationships can work if you are willing. Yeah, it may seem like you're "weak" at first, but it takes a little bit of hurt to make you stronger in the end. And once you get past that, then you can finally arrive and say that you've worked hard for something. Make sense? Maybe not, but thats just how I feel. Its crazy because I see it already, in my friendships, and even my relationships with boys. I am kind of learning to just sit bak and take things how they are. I understand the need for this change, but somedays I just dont want it. Days like today. Days like today I just want to scream into the universe "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I'M HERE AND I'M WILLING!!!" In the end its all about learning and growing. Its really hard to accept this as you are going through it though. I feel like crying.

So fucking perfect. It makes me sick. There are questions that need to be asked.

So true

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

There are some people in my life that I really just cant get enough of. Some people I really just love with all of my heart and without them I'd die. Other people are thoroughy destructive and bring me down. Other people are...the worst. Amen.

So true

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorheartdoyouhavequiz/">What Color Heart Do You Have?

There are some people in my life that I really just cant get enough of. Some people I really just love with all of my heart and without them I'd die. Other people are thoroughy destructive and bring me down. Other people are...the worst. Amen.

Lets not sweat the small stuff

There's really too much goin on in the world to be worrying about the small stuff. Yeah, sometimes life sucks, but get over it. Don't be so simple.

I've been having fun since being back. I'm thoroughly thrilled that Monique is my suitemate. And i am just as equally thrilled that Solie literally lives two seconds from me. Our attempt to go out last night was definitely failed as we eneded up getting lost a billion times, finally finding the club, not wanting to pay the $20 cover, and then leaving. Determined to have some kind of night Solie and I just ended up at Galen's chillin till forever in the morning. Today wasnt much of anything. Didnt get out of bed until noon, came back to my room and showered and then ran sme very needed errands pretty much all day with Galen and Soso.

Life lesson of the evening: Dont let people borrow money. Ever. No matter who they are. The end.

The day is almost here! Im excited!

Miss Rodrigo if you're nasty...

Yesterday marked the day of death. The day was deathly due to the fact that Monique, Brittne, and I had the lovely bonding experience of moving ALL of my stuff and Mo's in the towers...ALL BY OURSELVES!! My favorite part of this entire experience was when I got the chance to wheel my big ass 20" television down the street on a dolly because it wouldnt fit into Brittne's car. Classic.

So, we get to the towers and its...garbage. The towers is quite a disappointment coming from the luxurious annex. But Monique and I are suite mates and we love it! We are gonna decorate our little ghetto palace so that you'd never be able to tell that it really is a project apartment. Target really is our best friend in a time like this. Anyway, I spent all day getting my room together and it finally looks great so Im excited!

And not much else exciting has happened besides the big MOVE! I dont start work until Sunday, which is good despite the fact that I am broke as hell right now. Im goin out to have some fun tonight, which is much needed! yay!

Just a thought...
"So whats the difference between rap and hip hop? Its simple. Its like the difference between sayin you love somebody and being in love wih somebody. Rap is just a word" -Brown Sugar, extra sweet

Can I kick it? Yes you can.

I absolutely adore Christopher Emile Bordenave. I have decided. He completes the hell out of me and I love it.

Its close to 4am and I'm moving into the towers today. Hopefully Monique will be my suite mate. We've been making plans like we're sure its gonna happen, but knowing HOWARD, they'll be more than eager to crush our dreams. Nevertheless, excited much? Yes I am!

Talking with Mo tonight I've realized that we have both come a long way. We are learning a lot about ourselves, others, friendships, and relationships. Its kind of a lot, but we're both handling it pretty well I'd say. I feel really grown up, but I'm still not all the way there yet.

Aside from all that, I plan to be a billionaire this summer. I wanna get another job besides Barneys and be so freaking rich and fabulous. I'm excited for all the wonderful possibilities that this summer will bring!!

I'm so excited I could scream!!

Present mood: Excited beyond measure :-D

"Be kind to him, he loves me. I have been loved"

"An hour ago he was proposing and now he's not. Isnt that ridiculous? Isnt that the most ridiculous piece of crap you ever heard?" -Grey's Anatomy


Back in DC.

Cuz Im a boss

P.S. Imagine this on me...while wearing red pumps and a mini dress...absolutely BOSSY

beauty is her name...

Yesterday was pretty great. I started my morning at 5:30 am in order to participate in the annual Revlon Run/Walk for breast cancer. My mother and I usually do it every year, but last year I missed out because of school. This time we went with a group of family and friends and it was really fun. I got to bond with my little cousin Anja and that was real cool. We are more alike that I would have ever known. After the walk I took a nap of beauty and then had a fabulous evening with my bestest friend ever and Micah and Jeffrey. I missed Chris sooo much more than I even knew! He really is my Steadman and I am so his Oprah. Im excited for him to be at Purchase in the Fall because I will def be visiting him every 3 minutes.

Today was a pleasant mothers day. First church then brunch. Lots of fam. Twas fab!

Im back to DC tomorrow...I dont think Im ready to be back yet. we'll see how i feel in the morning...im tired now. see you in DC!

I kind of always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend

The day went well. I did internship work, had lunch with jessica, got my hair done, and had a late dinner with mommy.

My date with Jessica made me realize a few things. First, you shouldnt complain about how bad a situation is or how sad you are if you had/have the power to control it. You really need to take responsibility for your own actions, correction: I need to take responsibility for MY own actions. Not that I dont, but I, among others, just need to keep that in mind. Also, you should never welcome negativity into your 'bubble'. Its understandable that people go through shit all the time, but just taking time to realize the potential positive aspects of a seemingly negative situation can really make it that much better. Consider the opportunities for a well needed lesson in life. Dwelling on how sucky things are doesnt do anything to make them better. Maybe this is a relatively elementary realization or epiphany or whatever you wanna call it, but i feel its very necessary. Complaints dont help anything and neither does a cynical or negative attitude. SO with all of this said, Miss Sassy Rodrigo is looking for an attitude fix. I have a feeling the Diva of the Day will find it this summer :-)

Speaking of summer, I've also decided that this is really gonna be my time to shine. I'm really planning to be a BOSS, grill and all!! I was thoroughly inspired by Kelis and her ghetto fabulousness as was the love of my life, Miss Vicki T. We are both getting grills this summer and its gonna be hot and you're gonna love it so much that you're gonna hate us for it. Amen.

Also, I found out a couple days ago that he is staying for summer. As for now I will allow Carrie Bradshaw's words of absolute wisdom to rule my interactions with the opposite sex:"Keep it light, don't get too involved, don't get hurt". She said this right after Burger broke up with her on a post it. What an ass.

And on that note, I am out like a light. But please keep in mind...

"Fake is for last night, not handbags"

Spoken like a truly BOSSY bitch

Get it right, get it right, get it tight

Dont you just love it when your frustrated boss calls you right as you are about to go party with your friends and you have to pretend like you have been really dedicated and really diligent about the 2-month old assignment that is STILL not completed? Yea, I know I do.

Last night was sooo much fun! I missed Liz so much more than I could have ever imagined! We had so much random fun just like we used to! It was the best. I picked my sexy beast up from UCLA we both looked HOT, may I add. She then proceeded to tell me all of the drama of death that has consumed SM. We went to delicious El Coyote where we saw the love of my life, Kevin from the Backstreet Boys lol Found beautiful parking, saw House riding his bike down the street with 'intent' lol We shared our drama of life, love, loss and all that good stuff, then we went back to UCLA and 'vaped' with Amanda, Aaron, and manny's bf Nico. Funniest experience ever! I couldnt stop laughing for 2 hours it was ridiculous! I dont even remember what we were talking about but at the time it was hilarious! All I remember is "your family is poor...I'm so much better than you" and "my dad is rich...your dad is dead" lol Sucia FG's por la vida! I needed that.

En-t-way, I talked to Addie and Im seeing her on Friday **excited much**. Chris came and played with me today but only for a little while cuz he had dance :-( But its ok because we will get to play tomorrow!! yay!

So, I was randomly filling out this little internet survey dealy and one of the questions was 'whats the most romantic thing someone's ever done for you?' I thought about it and then realized that no one has ever done anything significantly romantic for me! how lame! It made me depressed for like three whole minutes! but then I got over it. And so then I was thinking if someone had done something significantly romantic for me, what would i want it to be? And the first thing my fat ass thought of was food! But its so true, just bring me some food and you become an instant prince charming! But seriously, the fatness needs to end! When I get back to DC intense workout begins again. I will have a naomi body and a naomi weave and i will have a kelis attitude and Im gonna be soooo BOSSY that my MILKSHAKE will be bringin ALLLLL the boys the the yard!! lol

Dinner and movies with the mother for the evening...later dayz

Feeling "hot"...
I really like this haircut and i've been wanting to cut my hair for a while now...

You've been waiting so long

How dare you use me as a means to stroke your ego. You are so rude. Im not a toy that just sits on the shelf and looks pretty and tells you what you want to hear every time you pull the string. You sure are somethin.

I love this song (for no reason in particular)...
.............................................................................
Me & U by: Cassie

you've been waiting so long
I'm hear to answer your call
I know that I shouldn't have had you waiting at all
I've been so busy, but I've been thinking about what I wanna do with you

Bridge
I know them other guys, they been talking bout the way I do what I do
They heard I was good, they wanna see if it's true
They know you're the one I wanna give it to
I can see you want me too
Now, it's me and you

Chorus
It's me and you, now
I've been waiting (Waiting)
Think I wanna make that move, now
Baby, tell me if you like it (Tell me if you like it)
It's me and you, now
I've been waiting
Think I wanna make that move, now
Baby, tell me how you like it

I was waiting for you to tell me you were ready
I know what to do, if only you would let me
As long as you're cool with it, I'll treat you right
Here is where you wanna be

Bridge

Chorus

Baby, I'll love you all the way down
Get cha right where you like it, I promise you'll like it (I swear)
Just relax and let me make that move (It's our secret thang)
Keep it between me and you

Chorus
......................................................................................
Bird Flu is apparently taking over the world. There's gonna be a movie on ABC tonight, and once theres a Made for TV Movie you KNOW its serious.

This summer should prove to be very VERY interesting...

She is literally a polaroid of perfection

Can I Kick It?

I should definitely be working right, but Im getting frustrated so I'll use this as a little distraction/stress-reliever. My days so far have been spent making phone call after phone call for this ridiculous internship. I am oficially OVER IT. This is pretty much free labor for them over at good ol' TITAN Magazine. But when this thing blows up, hopefully, I'll get mine and it'll be all good.

I'm seeing my fellow FG tonight and Im thrilled! I have a feeling that whatever we do tonight will be crazy and fun and random and totally SUCIA! Liz is my beast of life and I heart her. Last time I was in town we randomly sat parked in an alley in the middle of the night because we couldnt find anything to do, and we STILL ended up having so much fun! And I remember screaming at the top of our lungs at people on UCLA's campus with Amandy lol good times I miss her :-( I havent really had a whole bunch of time to spend with Chris, which makes me sad because he was the person I was most excited to see. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be finished with this project of death and I'll be able to spend the rest of my vaca with my love.

Thats enough of a distraction for now...back to work!

Feeling...like a busy bee

How sweet is her nectar...

Let there be fierceness

I'm not even in Washington D.C. and yet i am STILL hearing things about myself! Since people seemingly love to hear about me and my life and what I do and where I do it and with whom I might as well save everyone the time and effort of "talking sh*t" and provide the world with all of the juicy details straight from the source. That way there are no discrepancies! If you want to know something about me, dont be a pansy and just ask. I dont like people I dont know talking about me, so instead of talking just read and then shutup about it! Deal? Fab.

I will **hopefully** get to see my fellow FG tomorrow! The very thought of that consumes me with excitement! I think a huge dose of Lizzie is exactly what I need in my life. I've missed her so much! And we have so much catching up to do. I'm sure she'll have something comforting and sassy to say that will make me realize that as an FG life can never be all that bad! lol

And God said, "Let there be fierceness"
Feeling fierce...



And when you ask me, "do you like me?"
I will respond, "yes, you have made me smarter"
And when you ask me, "do you love me?"
I will respond, "no, you have made me smarter"

Ask and ye shall receive

I guess when you ask for no bullshit, thats what you get. Like it or not.

Today has been spent doing hours upon hours of monotonous internet research for my internship at TITAN Magazine. If I hadnt taken this stupid internship I could be SLEEPING or SHOPPING or out ENJOYING my beautiful city! Curse this wretched opportunity! I talked to Solie today and we really have come to accept that there is no such thing as a perfect guy or even a GREAT guy! There are RICH guys, GOOD guys, and OK guys. No matter which one you choose there is ALWAYS going to be something wrong, and your goal is to find one who has the most bearable faults and once you do you pretty much have to hold on to him because its never going to get any better lol. Its funny how we can spend hours talking about how stupid boys are and how they all have 'life issues' (-soso lol) and even after we have talked ourselves half to death they are still going to be just as stupid and pointless as they were to begin with! This is why I'm glad to be single right now. Even talking to someone takes a whole lot of effort and unintentional emotions and the possibility of hurt feelings. And for what? Whats the effin point, may i ask?! lol Oh man, mi vida duele and I feel silly right now.

I really wish I was a little kid again. Laron and Soso laughed when I told them this but I really just wanna be able to run around and scream for no real reason and get my clothes all messy and dirty and eat weird things because thats the cool thing to do. I miss being a kid sooo much! Soon it'll be me saying how much I wish I was a teenager and how much I miss college. How quickly time moves.

Feeling a bit clueless..



It's yours for the taking, watch what you do with it.

Brand New

I will use this as a sneak peak into my life of fun, friends, family, love, loss, drama, late nights, fashion, and boys. This here is all about me.

Feelin a little crazy...